"Coko", an Untimely Death, a Purpose in Living and Dying

Today, Jerry, (my husband/regional president of UC Beckley and Martinsburg) two of our University of Charleston staff members, Lisa, Mary and I headed to the Bluefield /Princeton, WV area for the funeral of one of our students, Sheila “Coko” Hopkins. It is difficult for me to put into words the experience that I/we had today. My husband was one of a half a dozen speakers and repeatedly those that spoke about and described “CoKo”, used similar adjectives, some of the same ones that I too had used. The untimely death of “Coko” brought forth the opportunity to minister and witness to a very large crowd of people and many of those were young people. It became evident to me and many others that an unveiling was about to occur and we were about to experience a funeral service, the likes of which Jerry and I had never experienced nor had many of the others in attendance either. The church was packed and sounds of sadness and an occasional whimpers began to trickle into the church. Then emotions rang out like thunder with cries, moaning and wails of grief and saddness that could be heard before the very large family entered the church. I turned to Jerry, (eyes wide open) we both looked a bit mystified into one another’s eyes, the depth of pain we can only imagine. I softly uttered, “I believe that we are getting ready to experience a funeral like we have never experienced before” and that we did! It was evident to me that we were in the midst of the very regionally and culturally different experience as well as, a much stressed family dynamic paired with one of the most difficult events that anyone can endure, the death of a child. For me and my short relationship in knowing “Coko” it was about what “Coko” did not say. It was the look in her eyes when spoken to. And the enduring smile that exposed those beautiful white teeth and it pierced your very soul. One description after another, individuals spoke of her very distinct character trait and most memorable reaction, her smile. It was a slight tilt of her head, sometimes a removal of her hoodie (a type of garment that she always seemed to be wearing) a twinkle in her eyes and the sweetest smile that one could deliver. Pictures at that alter where her body lay in rest were collaged, evidence of years filled with that sweet smile. And the assemblage of those in attendance form a sort of collage for me and what “Coko’s” life and purpose was all about. For in that short time I wondered over the last few days, why? What did taking her now and so young fulfill? She will always be remembered and her stamp will be on many of us. But it became clear to me and the answer to my question came today. Her life was a living and dying testimony. She like all of us had struggles and had trials in this life. Her mother raised her without her father’s presence. But her mother made sure that her daughter knew her father, both her paternal father and her heavenly father. “Coko” was about one when her father was found guilty of a crime that landed him in prison until resent times. I do not know the full details of the situation but I can tell you that “Coko” was loved dearly by her mother and that was expressed by her father too. “Coko” loved both of her parents very much and longed to have a relationship with her father, one that she missed growing up. What time she had experience with her father was the many visits to the prison that her momma made sure to make happen. The pain that we experienced today had to be filled with guilt and past mistakes that one makes. One has many questions and very few answers…”Oh God”, he groaned and shouted loudly many, many times, his body becoming limp and in need of assistance to be carried. It is not our place to judge and I am surly not worthy of that either, no one but God has that right. Today was about mending relationships and a church filled with love and forgiveness. And after all the sharing and messages the final words came and the pastor, one of “Coko’s” uncles, felt moved and lead to do an altar call at the end of the service. Those of you that have experienced one of these evangelical events know what I am talking about. And this was one like I have never experience, though I am from an originally evangelical background of Southern Baptist. I married a Catholic and we became Presbyterian. And I am comfortable with an alter call and have often been concerned that we do not often invite others to know Christ in a more direct way even in our church environment. And many churches across the United States are struggling with low attendances. Many people do not go to church so our opportunities to witness have to come with experiences and relationships in our daily lives. I hope that my life is a testimony to others and that others can see Christ working through me. The burden falls on us who are Christians, to help introduce those that we meet that do not know Jesus Christ as their Lord and savior. So, my answer about why was “Coko” taken so young and for what purpose did her life serve both in living and in death was answered, she brought many to know Christ. On this day an alter call was given at “Coko’s” funeral, a veil was lifted while the funeral was widely attended by many people and many of those were young. It might have been the only opportunity or the right time for many of those to hear the message of God’s gift of grace and eternal life through Jesus Christ. I do not know the exact number but one came down. then another, then a steady flow of people, the alter was full maybe sixty or more. And if even one attains eternal life through the decision they made today at “Coko’s” funeral, then “Coko’s” purpose was more important than she or anyone but God could have imagined. For selfish reasons I wish that she was still with us but I know that I will see her again. John 3:16-17 English Standard Version (ESV) For God So Loved the World 16 “For God so loved the world,[a] that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. I’ve always said that the risk it too great not to believe. What can you lose by accepting the most important gift and reason for living, eternal life through God’s grace. He sent is son Jesus, He paid the ultimate price for each of us, no questions asked, all we need to do is accept that we are sinners and believe that Jesus is our Lord and savior. Jesus wiped the slate clean for each of us if we believe in him. He is the bridge between us and God. And if I have it all wrong and I do not believe that I do. Then what did I lose? Nothing! But I will have the opportunity to gain everything! And I have no fear in dying, for in death there is life everlasting.

Frosted Windowpanes

The old windows in the University's house, where we live, accumulate some interesting frosty creations on the windowpanes. I heard the grounds staff before sunrise and when I got up to see what winter had left us overnight, David Foster, (our main grounds supervisor) was working up a storm, managing all the snow we had gotten.  It was hard to see through the glass, I noticed that the windows in the sitting area of our bedroom were covered in frost. The lights from The University's truck that was pushing the snow through the parking lot shown through the window and I grabbed my camera. I went from window to window through out the house to find what windows had these lovely icy pieces of artwork. Here are a few of the photos that I made.

The light's from the truck plowing the snow backlight the frosty window before sunrise.

The yellow circle is not the sun, it is a light from a parking lot across campus as I peeked through the frosty window and noticed the morning light beginning to lighten the sky.

The truck lights pierce through the frost on the left side of the picture.  David Foster and his crew were out in the coldest of temperatures taking care of us as usual!

It must take wind, moisture and cold temperatures to create such designs.

 

Icy tracks on my windowpane.

The ice fairies must have come by our University house last night! 

 

The eastern sky at day break was soft pink and blue.  It made a beautiful background for these icy designs. 

 

 

The sun was beginning to shine very brightly on this side of the house.  The scintillation of light was almost too difficult to look at and very difficult to photograph!

Lost and Found...Beyond Monetary Value

About a month ago our daughter-in-law called to tell me something that was difficult, she was obviously sad and proceeded to let me know that she had lost her diamond. The diamond that my husband, Jerry, had once given and proposed to me with.  I felt sad for her.  My husband's family has been in the jewelry business for many,many years.  We (brother-in-law,Bob, sister-in-law, Helen, my husband and I) had a store in Charleston,WV and a wholesale business at one time.   Anyway, this particular diamond had history and value beyond simply monetary worth.  It was given to Jerry, my husband, by his parents when he graduated from high school. My husband's father, Paul, was a diamond buyer by trade and this one had been hand picked just for him.  He gave it to me the day he asked me to marry him.  Then later he mounted it in a necklace and gave me another diamond that he had been given by his father when we worked in the Nashville store, Diamond Outlet, now owned by my brother-in-law and sister-in-law, Bob and Helen Forster.  It was to be his bonus so to speak, way back in the early 80's, nearly 30 years ago.  Jerry had worn both diamonds separately in rings that had been mounted for him.  He never felt comfortable wearing the second one that was larger than the original one that he had been given and then remounted it for me.  So, he switched them and still wasn't very comfortable wearing a diamond, ring, period !  He surprised me and had it mounted in a pendant for Christmas one year.  I may have worn it once as a pendant.  I did not trust myself and feared loosing it.  When Mike told us that he was ready to marry Christina I asked Jerry if we could pass on the necklace (my original diamond engagement) to Mike, for Christina and so the next generation's story and heritage began.  When Christina told me about loosing the diamond I tried to stay positive and assure her that it was an unfortunate accident and not to give up hope of finding it.  She explained that she and Mike had turned the house upside down looking for it and that Mike did not want to tell me/us.  I  never worried about it.  But was sad to loose the history for everyone's sake especially our grand-daughters, Mike's and Christina's girls.  I had mentioned to Christina that the laundry room is a good place to look very well.  Mike and I had talked several times about getting the appraisal together for the insurance claim.  In fact, he texted me earlier in the day and I mentioned that I was thinking about coming to see them and bring our belated b-day gifts to our youngest grand baby since we had been in FL visiting my folks on her b-day. We briefly spoke about the paperwork.   I did head to Nashville.  We had a great day together, then after a good dinner, Christina and I ran to a couple of stores and the diamond came up in conversation in the car and she thought that we should tell my husband's parents. I didn't think that we needed to  rush and do that yet!  And told her not to worry about that.  Ugh...I felt a real urge to mention again about checking the laundry room.  For some reason I felt that the diamond was in the house.  I had been at the house a couple of days before Christmas keeping the girls but did not want to start looking around their home without them there.   Tonight we got to talking about the ring, the diamond and Mike asked Christina to get the mounting and show it to me.  She did and after seeing the broken prong I felt the need to look in the laundry room but the door was closed.  I told Mike that we needed to look in there and he said that they had searched in there well but Mike began to look in the washing machine again anyway with a flashlight.  I shook a rug and something sounded promising as it tinkled against the floor.... only to turn out to be a black embellishment, possibly from a piece of clothing.    He laughed and said, "I wish that was it"!  He chuckled again after seeing what it was, "it's a black diamond!"...haha). I was on the floor peering under the washer and asked for the flashlight that he was using.  About three inches under the front edge of the washing machine there it was, tilted to the side of the pavilion, that dusty lump of brilliant carbon!  And the memories of what all it had been through and the memories that it represented poured over me.  A group hug, a look of shear disbelief on all of our faces, a deep sigh from Mike and a tear trickled down my face.  Lost and found so, the story continues!  And it's not about the monetary value.  It is about the legacy, about the story we build, about staying together, working out the kinks and fixing what falls apart.  And never ever giving up hope!

**Reminder to everyone wearing a diamond.  Have your jeweler check and clean your ring every 6 months.  And spot check it yourself for prong breakage Also, as a jeweler we saw more women break prongs off their mounted rings from pulling or putting clothes in the washer than any other wear and tear.

Mike texted me a Iphone picture of the separated pair.